One Year Later: I Still Remember.

Albert Camus once said: “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” Ruby never looked, she just lived. It’s a lesson that most of us must learn. Little Ruby, wise beyond her years. They say that the good die young; perhaps this is because they know something of which the rest of us have little comprehension. We consistently search for happiness, our purpose in life, what lies beyond, whereas people like Ruby just continued on; living.

I can't believe it’s been an entire year since her passing. I also still cannot believe just how much of an impact Ruby left on my life. I was never fortunate enough to meet her in person or speak to her as much as some others have, however I still think about her frequently. This time last year when I received the news that she had passed on, I wrote about how she taught me so many life lessons: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be yourself. Be happy. Accept everyone. Lessons that can be learned anywhere, really, but Ruby showed me what is was to actually do these things. I feel in the past year I haven’t really honoured these lessons and lived as I said I would – lived like Ruby.

As aforementioned, I think about Ruby habitually. I don’t think there’s a day or week that goes by that she doesn’t cross my mind. I wonder where she is, what she’s doing, how she’s feeling watching over all of her loved ones, if she’s enjoying all the banana milkshakes she could possibly consume. I thank her for bringing so many of us from all over the world together – for being the glue that still keeps us in touch with one another. Sometimes tears come to my eyes as I recall just how courageous and strong she was; despite her condition, Ruby managed to keep a brave face on and keep fighting. I can only wish that I could have half as much strength as she did.

Despite all my memories and thoughts, I feel as if I have come up short in honouring Ruby’s memory. She taught me lessons but like a low-achieving student, I failed to absorb these lessons and learn from them. It hurts to realize that I haven’t done much to actually continue on Ruby’s legacy. This year, I renew my pledge: to keep Ruby’s light alive and emulate her in my life.

I haven’t proudly expressed this as much as I probably should have this past year but I shall enthusiastically begin again:

EAT SH*T LEUKEMIA‼‼

Remember Ruby, forever.

I love you.

Memories Revisited.

On Friday, October 9, 2009 at 16:42 (GMT) the world lost one of its brightest lights. Ruby was a beautiful and brilliant girl who could brighten up anyone’s day by merely typing a few words. She was an inspiration, a teacher, showcasing the importance of living each day to the fullest as well as the necessity of laughing and smiling at least once a day. She touched people all around the world, just by blogging from her bedroom or hospital room. All the while she was fighting against leukemia, she never gave up, she never questioned “Why me?” She was always strong, even when she was tired and upset.

“There’s a difference between giving up and letting go.”

At least now, we know she is at peace. There isn’t any more pain, no more needles, and all the banana milkshakes that she could possibly want. I regret never getting to know her as well as a few others did, but just by reading her blog entries and tweets on Twitter, she taught me so much about living. I finally completely realized that I can’t sweat the small stuff; I can’t let the little obstacles that stood in my way get me down. She taught me how to take life in stride, one day at a time. I’ll never forget her, Ruby, the girl who was able to inspire me in ways no one else has ever done.

“I don’t believe life has been unkind to me ... I can still drink banana milkshake can’t I?”

I’ll never forget her jokes or her infectious smile – even if I never saw her in smile in person, I could feel it resonating through my computer screen, half-way across the world. Some of my friends can’t quite comprehend why I’ve been so affected by the passing of a girl I barely knew; a girl who wrote blogs and tweets, a girl I never even met. I tell them, it doesn’t matter if you’ve never met someone; it’s how they make you feel. Ruby made me laugh, she caused me to smile, and she taught me to appreciate the little things. I fear I may have taken Ruby’s vibrancy for granted. I always thought, “I can e-mail her tomorrow. I can tell her this joke later.” Before I knew it, she was already gone.

There’s that saying: “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” I’ve never quite understood that saying until now. I wish so much to have known Ruby in person; to witness the light she possessed, first hand; to have heard her speak one of her quirky little one-liners or jokes, rather than just read them online; to have listened to her beautiful gift of song.

“E-I-E-I-O is a horrible misspelling of the word FARM.”

My heart goes out to her Mum, twin brother, Rio, and all of her close friends. They were the ones who knew her best and were able to see and experience everything Ruby had to offer. They were the ones who helped her through her toughest times and enabled her to achieve so many things. I want to thank them for being her support. Thank her Mum for being everything a mother should be and more. Thank Rio for being her best friend. Thank Chloe for being there every step of the way. Thank everyone just for being the amazing people that Ruby adored.

She was an angel here on earth and she now continues to be one with her passing, watching over all of her loved ones with her beloved Dog. Rest in Peace dearest Ruby, you will be missed.

“I love people ... I just wish they would do the same.”

I love you Ruby, as many, many others did as well. You brought us together, you opened our hearts a bit more, and because of that, we are able to share our grief, share our thoughts, and share our love for you. Thank you, Ruby.

If you were just wandering and stumbled across my blog and have not yet heard about Ruby, I hope that even in death, she may still inspire you. Death ends life but not a relationship, forever in our hearts Ruby’s memory lives on.

EAT SH*T LEUKEMIA!!!!

(Originally posted at sinfulx on October 11, 2009)