Can Only Let You Down.

Sleepless. Disappointment. Guilt. Need. Irritation. Frustration. Ridiculous. Unjustified. Unclear. Irrational. Stupid. Compensate? Idea. Impossible. Idea. Potential. Idea. Definite. Idea. Hopefully. Sad. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Faultless. Still sad. Ugh.

Baby Can't Drive.

Today = one terrible trip. It started off well enough, but hit a huge snag halfway.  And by snag, I mean curb. And by hit, I mean hit. Blew out one of my front tires. Or rather, one of my dad's tires as I have to borrow his car for the week. So awful. Had to wait an hour and a half for a tow truck.  I'm fortunate that it's a beautiful day in Calgary so sitting in my car for that long really wasn't terrible.  Got to the tire shop, paid off the tow truck (ouch), and embarked on a long process of trying to find a new tire.  It turns out the ones I currently have on the Matrix have been discontinued, so I was going to have to buy their new version of the tire which cost more than the original.  May I just add that the Matrix is a 2010 model, WHY WOULD THOSE TIRES BE DISCONTINUED ALREADY?! Anyway, I was ready to shell out for it, but the guy helping me was able to track down the exact same tire at one of their suppliers! I could have hugged him. I was nearly about to tell him I would buy all 4 just so I could have them on hand in case I had another blow out (god forbid!), but realized I would have to explain everything to the parentals ... which, in case you couldn't tell, i'm really not too keen on!

Anyway, I'm just waiting on them to call so I can pick up the car, get it home, hope nobody notices the difference, and vow I will never drive anything smaller than an SUV. This week needs to go faster so I can have my Rav back. Blahhhh.

So that's my embarrassing story ... it's especially bad because I drive this route nearly everyday, why would I do something like this now?! Ughhhh. Of course, at least it was just a curb and my tire and not the whole vehicle and another one! Small victories, right? Definitely feeling blessed and fortunate that it was just this minor incident, it could have been a lot worse.

Déjame entrar en tu corazón.

I have an earworm ... I go to Zumba class twice a week, usually, and by far this is my favourite song/routine.  The lyrics, now that I've found them and their proper translations, are good too!

Anyway, I figured it's been a while since I've posted anything - life has been crazy with work, school, and personal things.  I'll hopefully have an actual post within the next few days, but for now, it's my master plan to get this song stuck in everyone else's head too! :)

You Know How to Waste My Time.

Once upon a time I was the one who would walk away from an argument. I would be the one to shut down and stop talking. Now I'm on the other side and actually extremely frustrated.

The truth is, I don't think I can handle this volatility, I'm just not emotionally or mentally capable of it right now. I started using the tag "perils of being crazy" as a joke when I was first being treated for my depression - a way to make light of my situation, I think today might be the first time I'm using this tag in a non-humorous way.  Typically, I'm already in the middle of a break when using the aforementioned tag, today I'm actually on the brink. This situation I find myself in is just so ridiculous and overwhelming - and not in a good way. I'm just so confused and out of sorts in terms of my emotions. I don't know which way is up or down. One minute things are great, the next everything's gone to shit. It's all so very tiring.

While I strongly believe I'm nowhere near a mental breakdown, I'm definitely more in edge now than I've been for at least a month and a half.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I don't even know what to think.

Ugh.

My Friends Are Telling Me I Lost My Mind.

"This could be good, it's already better than that."

But, it could also be a disaster.

My money's on the latter to be honest. All the telltale signs that I'm getting myself into a huge mess are there, and yet against better judgment, I'm throwing caution to the wind and running with it.

(Originally written June 24)