Simple Pride.

I have a confession ... I'm terrified of water and so have never learned how to swim. I love water for drinking and for taking showers/baths but not for leisurely activity.

Yes, at 20 years old I have never succeeded at swimming or even floating because I have been too scared. This fear of water definitely stems from my fear of drowning. However, that all changed today. I managed to finally conquer that fear a little bit and floated and did a back glides with kicks all by myself. No help from anybody or any flotation device of any sort.

Background: A few weeks ago, my mom began planning a family vacation to somewhere warm with beaches for my break between winter and spring semester (and as a 50th birthday treat for her and my dad). This news sparked something inside of me to finally learn how to swim so I signed up for an adult swim class and was super determined. Unfortunately, I hit the pool for my first lesson 3 weeks ago and the fear conquered me. 6 lessons later (actually, 4 since I got really sick and had to miss 2 of them), and 3 weeks of being frustrated that I couldn't get over being terrified and un-trusting of the water, I finally managed to float on my own!

Of course it would have been nice to be at the same level as the rest of the people who were in the class with me but baby steps right?

Happy.

I'll wear that dress if you wear that tie,
And baby we'll dance through the night,
'cause no one's got what we've got goin'

Happiness never held onto me
Until you made me see
That together we're just better.

Super Cynic.

No one cared when I was sick with the flu, so what makes you so special? It's so obvious that you want attention, darling. But you just gotta learn that you can't be the center of attention all the time ;)

Super [Sarcastic] Critical.

Well ... I've been neglecting my blog for the past few months, yet again; so for those of you who follow my blog and are still reading, many apologies and Happy Belated New Year! Just a brief update before the bulk of this entry:

The past few months have been a bit of a whirlwind for me. I've fully immersed myself in school and have actually benefited from that! My GPA was able to increase by a few points which is exactly what I needed. =) I've also began looking into graduate schools and am hopeful to be applying to them in the near future.


Disclaimer: the following are, of course, my own personal perspective. If you have a different viewpoint than my own, I shall not be the one to hold it against you and, in turn, I hope that you respect my views.

After a day at school I came home and checked my Twitter and found two of the people that I'm following claiming "I've always been this [insert sign] and will be [insert sign] for life!" and "I refuse to change!" These tweets prompted me to Google this Ophiuchus/New Zodiac sign.

I have actually spent the better part of the past few hours reading blogs, newspaper and magazine articles, online journals etc. and have been quite amused by the amount of uproar. When I first read the first article about this "new" sign, I tweeted "New Zodiac sign? What is this bullshit?!" Which I actually intended in full irony and sarcasm because, quite frankly, I am not a believer in astrology and find a lot of it to be, well, bullshit. I'm a doubter by nature - constantly thinking about and question whether what I'm being told and being exposed to is the truth.

Astrology, I find, is just a bunch of shits and giggles - something to help you pass the time if you're bored. With so many people in the world and so many being born everyday, it is impossible that these horoscopes are applicable to every single individual born within a specific set of days. Also, how do you explain the fact that there are so many horoscopes printed for one day? If astrology really was true and the stars really did dictate certain aspects of life and tell these astrologers what to expect for each day then why don't all astrologers print the same thing? I mean really ... take a look at your horoscope for the day from multiple sources - are they all the same? No. Are your lucky numbers for the day the same? No. If this is a horoscope for the month, are your expected days of fortune the same? Not at all.

The main thing that I find so amusing is that so many people commenting on these blogs are freaking out about their personality traits. "I'm not an Aquarius, I'm nothing like an Aquarius!" I'm sorry but if you really believe that your Zodiac sign dictates your personality as a whole then, well, I think you're missing the point. Each person has their own individual traits. Related to above, it is impossible that everyone who falls under a certain sign shares the exact same character traits. There may be similar bases but that's the extent of it. Yes, yes, you can be a smart ass and respond with "Yeah, I'm unique just like everyone else." but it's true - you're hard pressed to find two people that are EXACTLY the same. There will always be a difference somewhere.

Furthermore, the truth is, if someone dictates their life wholly based on the constellation under which they were supposedly born or the position of the earth beneath a certain constellation at any point in time, then I think they need to realize a few things. First of all, your life is up to you. How you manage it, how you live it, how you succeed as a person is all up to your discretion - not a group of stars. You are the only one who can live your life. Life is what you make of it. Secondly, a group of stars can't tell you anything. Stars, typically, are stationary. They don't move. They are giant balls of gas that eventually die out. Thirdly, basing your personality or life on the stars is not taking responsibility for yourself. You are responsible for you, not anyone or any other-worldly entity.

Now, I'm not saying you can't believe in astrology. If you do, then that's fine, I'll accept your stance. I'm just saying that people need to be realistic and begin questioning what they're told and not just take it at surface value. Be critical. Have your own personal opinion. Live your own life the way you want to do it - take responsibility and stop relying on a set of stars to tell you what to do. Life is much more complex than any constellation could ever tell you.

So in all sarcasm and joking, I end this entry:

"Now there's a 13th sign ... what's next? A 13th month?!"

P.S. But if you're really curious, I've done my research: Only the Sidereal Zodiac is changing, not the Tropical Zodiac. In other words, if you live in a Western country then your zodiac hasn't changed at all. ;)

One Year Later: I Still Remember.

Albert Camus once said: “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” Ruby never looked, she just lived. It’s a lesson that most of us must learn. Little Ruby, wise beyond her years. They say that the good die young; perhaps this is because they know something of which the rest of us have little comprehension. We consistently search for happiness, our purpose in life, what lies beyond, whereas people like Ruby just continued on; living.

I can't believe it’s been an entire year since her passing. I also still cannot believe just how much of an impact Ruby left on my life. I was never fortunate enough to meet her in person or speak to her as much as some others have, however I still think about her frequently. This time last year when I received the news that she had passed on, I wrote about how she taught me so many life lessons: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Be yourself. Be happy. Accept everyone. Lessons that can be learned anywhere, really, but Ruby showed me what is was to actually do these things. I feel in the past year I haven’t really honoured these lessons and lived as I said I would – lived like Ruby.

As aforementioned, I think about Ruby habitually. I don’t think there’s a day or week that goes by that she doesn’t cross my mind. I wonder where she is, what she’s doing, how she’s feeling watching over all of her loved ones, if she’s enjoying all the banana milkshakes she could possibly consume. I thank her for bringing so many of us from all over the world together – for being the glue that still keeps us in touch with one another. Sometimes tears come to my eyes as I recall just how courageous and strong she was; despite her condition, Ruby managed to keep a brave face on and keep fighting. I can only wish that I could have half as much strength as she did.

Despite all my memories and thoughts, I feel as if I have come up short in honouring Ruby’s memory. She taught me lessons but like a low-achieving student, I failed to absorb these lessons and learn from them. It hurts to realize that I haven’t done much to actually continue on Ruby’s legacy. This year, I renew my pledge: to keep Ruby’s light alive and emulate her in my life.

I haven’t proudly expressed this as much as I probably should have this past year but I shall enthusiastically begin again:

EAT SH*T LEUKEMIA‼‼

Remember Ruby, forever.

I love you.