Everyone has their demons and apparently I'm still facing mine nearly six years later. Though they are few and far between they're still here and leech everything out of me when they make an appearance. The worst part of it all is that I never see them coming - there's no warning sign - they sneak up behind me and drag me down. Most times they're gone as quickly as they've come but sometimes they stick around for a while. The most painful part, though, is that there isn't any reason for their appearance. They come, drag me down, they leave.
They leave cracks and breaks in my resolve and once they've gone, I fill these fissures in to the best of my ability but they're still there. Every single flaw, every single imperfection, every single feeling of betrayal, hurt, and sadness - they're all still very much there. Perhaps I've just gotten better at hiding them, ignoring them, playing them off. I know that there are many stars and suns in my skies and yet I can't see them through the shadows and clouds ... I'm broken.
If I could explain what was wrong, I would. If I knew how to fix it, everything would be so much easier. But I don't. How can I explain something that I don't even understand? I fear that one day I'll be taken down so far that everyone will leave me, merely because I cannot express any rhyme or reason for the presence of these demons.
I just want to be okay. Maybe tomorrow ... but for now just let me be in this flawed design because it is all that I am and all that I know.
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