These Photographic Memories.

Throughout high school I was one of those people that always had their camera on hand to capture those fleeting moments and candid shots. I must have taken at least 1000 photos during those three years. It was about preserving memories, making keepsakes of those precious teen years, creating something by which to remember everything.

The other day I was looking through them and realized so many things. Those were the years of naïveté and blissful ignorance. You did things just because. You made rash decisions. You paid no mind to potential consequence. You had no idea just how much a simple action or word could change everything or affect the future. Now, via these photographs, you look through the moments leading up to a huge event that changed everything and feel completely powerless. Then it hits: you’re powerless to change it now but you had every opportunity and all possible power to change the past before it even happened. The past didn’t have to happen the way it did.

Of course, it’s all fine and easy to regret what you did, or rather, didn’t do back then but everything happens for a reason. There’s a perfect explanation as to why things happened the way they did. This explanation may not be clear-cut or as obvious as you’d want it to be but it’s there: whatever is meant to be will be. Destiny, fate, God’s will … whatever reason you choose to believe in, one thing resounds: nothing is arbitrary.

By extension, life’s winding road will always lead you to where you’re meant to be. No matter what paths you took in the past, no matter which one you’re currently on or will be on: if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. I realize I sound like a broken record but I firmly believe that. I could have done so many things differently if only I had the same retrospective perception as I do now. [Un]fortunately I didn’t. I was naive, ignorant, and young and jaded. I had no idea of how the world truly functioned; I still have no clue. I didn’t realize just what consequences would come of my words and actions.

I can say that I will be more careful from now on but that’s impossible. It’s human nature to not look that far into the future; to remain in the present and very near future. It’s too easy to look past the fine details – those subtleties – and even the blatant cues. It’s a cycle that doesn’t quite end: I keep taking the photos and years later I look back and realize things I should have noticed at the time. I guess it’s the reason that we never stop growing up, no matter how old we are.

So look back but don’t regret. Sure, you made mistakes and did things you’re not proud of. You might wish you could have done certain things differently but don’t. Life is too precious to keep looking back and living in the past. Look back and learn from those mistakes. Look back, remember all the good times and continue to make more. Look back in fondness but never in regret. Look back and be thankful for the lessons you learned, the people you met, the experiences you had. Look back but keep moving forward.

Oh, these photographic memories …