Just Love.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have stepped on your feet so often last year if you hadn't been standing so close to me."

"I liked you last year."

"So what are you saying, you don't like me anymore?"

"No ... I love you now."

You always know exactly what to say and consistently put a smile on my face. You're one of the few constants in my life - my rock, my shield, and, quite often, my cushion :) I'm thankful everyday for whatever/whoever brought me back to you. And thankful that everyday you put up with my moments of insanity, but never falter in your love.

Flawed Design II.

...but for now just let me be in this flawed design because it is all that I am and all that I know.

Circa2010

I'm far from perfect: I cry a lot. I feel completely useless some of the time. I still really only know how to express myself through writing. I don't think I'm able to completely open myself up to anybody. I'm too independent but too dependent at the same time. I don't know how to deal with certain things. I hate confrontation. I run away. I hide inside of myself. I fear change. I'm unsure of a lot of aspects of my life ... except for one thing (just ask.)

Right now it feels like it's a never-ending winter in my world ...

Downfall.

It's that feeling of disappointment and knowing that I'm losing respect for you that really suck. I don't think you did your research because what you're advocating is not nearly as simple as you're making it out to be.

Emotions.

Sad news is sad. And like any other person, I hate hearing sad news. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm an emotional person, no matter how hard I try to hide it most of the time. Even if an event doesn't involve me at all, I'll still feel something: I'll cry, I'll feel anger, I'll be happy.

So today, I've been feeling kind of down. Of course, because of the fact that I get so emotional over certain things, I like to think that I get more insight into a situation. I become a bit more perceptive of certain aspects of the situation, and today was no exception. False attitudes, lingering glances, a touch that lasted too long - they told me that everything isn't what it's being played out to be. There's a lot more pain behind those apathetic words and it made me hurt a little bit more. It also hurt a bit more to know that there was nothing I could do and nothing I could say to find out more about the situation or even help it.

It's almost a burden to always feel emotions and have to find out as much about an issue as possible. I think too much for my own good and speculate too much to be healthy. Dwelling on the details and possibilities of these situations makes me draw nonexistent parallels to my own life. Sometimes I just need someone to talk to about what I've been thinking, but right now that person is unavailable and, naturally, that hurts too.

Sad day is sad and Adrienne is too.

Simple Pride.

I have a confession ... I'm terrified of water and so have never learned how to swim. I love water for drinking and for taking showers/baths but not for leisurely activity.

Yes, at 20 years old I have never succeeded at swimming or even floating because I have been too scared. This fear of water definitely stems from my fear of drowning. However, that all changed today. I managed to finally conquer that fear a little bit and floated and did a back glides with kicks all by myself. No help from anybody or any flotation device of any sort.

Background: A few weeks ago, my mom began planning a family vacation to somewhere warm with beaches for my break between winter and spring semester (and as a 50th birthday treat for her and my dad). This news sparked something inside of me to finally learn how to swim so I signed up for an adult swim class and was super determined. Unfortunately, I hit the pool for my first lesson 3 weeks ago and the fear conquered me. 6 lessons later (actually, 4 since I got really sick and had to miss 2 of them), and 3 weeks of being frustrated that I couldn't get over being terrified and un-trusting of the water, I finally managed to float on my own!

Of course it would have been nice to be at the same level as the rest of the people who were in the class with me but baby steps right?

Happy.

I'll wear that dress if you wear that tie,
And baby we'll dance through the night,
'cause no one's got what we've got goin'

Happiness never held onto me
Until you made me see
That together we're just better.

Super Cynic.

No one cared when I was sick with the flu, so what makes you so special? It's so obvious that you want attention, darling. But you just gotta learn that you can't be the center of attention all the time ;)