Have You Ever Felt Alone in a Crowded Room?

I don't know if I've ever felt so alone.

I've battled depression in my past, but even that never made me feel this lonely.  This feeling has been dragging me down for over a week now. My job has me constantly surrounded by people I get along with wonderfully, and school is also packed with people, but once my day is over, I'm left with nothing.

The people I work with are all considerably older than me, so it's difficult to up and ask if they'd like to hang out after work or something.  With school, I'm only taking one class as a pre-requisite for my graduate studies. The class is an introductory course and so most of my peers are at least 4 years younger.  Not to mention, class is only twice a week.

This class is also not at the same university I completed my degree at, where all my friends attend. And because my schedule doesn't match up too well with those of my friends, it's exceedingly difficult to coordinate hanging out.

I guess the main reason I'm feeling so alone is that, it's been over 5 months and nothing is getting better. It's not getting worse, which is a good thing I suppose, but it's not getting better. I've thrown myself back into work, school, and studying for my GRE, but it's those moments when I'm driving home, laying in bed at night, eating breakfast in the morning, lying on my couch that get to me the most. My thoughts carry me away down a reminiscing road.

I tell myself to stop, but I can't.

I do feel the need to talk to someone, but all my friends are busy with school, and none of them have really checked in to see how I'm doing. I know I should reach out to them myself, but I can't help but feel like a broken record. I can't help but feel like a complete nuisance. It's been over five months, most of my friends will probably just tell me the same things they've repeated before ... Get over it. Move on. Find someone else. Do something to distract you. He doesn't want you like that anymore.

I just can't though.

It all sounds so easy, and it all sounds so procedural. It's not. I mean, how do you just let go? I've come to terms with the fact that he wants nothing to do with me romantically, (or at all at this moment in time). I also accept that it's over and we obviously were not meant to make it. I just can't let go.

It meant too much.  It still means too much.

I digress. I'm lonely. I miss having someone to text or call all the time, someone who would always respond. I know it's a lot to do with scheduling and availability, but I feel like he got to keep all our friends. If this was a divorce settlement, I got the material things, he retained custody of our friends.

In any case, I should reach out, but I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing me cry and complain. This is tougher than I ever imagined. I used to be one of those judgmental bitches who couldn't understand why people couldn't get over someone. Now I know better. Now I know heartbreak is one of the hardest trials a person ever has to go through.

Apparently heartbreak is also synonymous with loneliness.