These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes.

Pros:

Finding potential places to live fairly easily. Back working with people I love and in an environment that is a great fit. Sunshine. Heat. Open communication. Strong feelings. Meeting great people. Coffee. Cute children at work. Laughter. Teasing banter. Carefree. Expressing creativity. Certainty. Responsibility. Hope. Fun. Dance. Support. Temporary happiness. Success. Feeling appreciated and accomplished.

Cons:

Mom rushed to ER. Boyfriend sick therefore tired therefore cranky therefore anti-social. Friends out of town for work, school, vacation. Don't want to be a bother by texting. Misunderstandings. Closed communication. Strong feelings. Leaving. Tears. Guilt. Worry. Overthinking. Wondering. Questioning. What if. Coffee. Doubt. Bad habits. Criticism. Anger. Feeling underestimated. Busy. Schedules. Distance. Guessing. Uncertainty. Responsibility. Stress. Fear. Terror. Helplessness. 

Baby Can't Drive.

Today = one terrible trip. It started off well enough, but hit a huge snag halfway.  And by snag, I mean curb. And by hit, I mean hit. Blew out one of my front tires. Or rather, one of my dad's tires as I have to borrow his car for the week. So awful. Had to wait an hour and a half for a tow truck.  I'm fortunate that it's a beautiful day in Calgary so sitting in my car for that long really wasn't terrible.  Got to the tire shop, paid off the tow truck (ouch), and embarked on a long process of trying to find a new tire.  It turns out the ones I currently have on the Matrix have been discontinued, so I was going to have to buy their new version of the tire which cost more than the original.  May I just add that the Matrix is a 2010 model, WHY WOULD THOSE TIRES BE DISCONTINUED ALREADY?! Anyway, I was ready to shell out for it, but the guy helping me was able to track down the exact same tire at one of their suppliers! I could have hugged him. I was nearly about to tell him I would buy all 4 just so I could have them on hand in case I had another blow out (god forbid!), but realized I would have to explain everything to the parentals ... which, in case you couldn't tell, i'm really not too keen on!

Anyway, I'm just waiting on them to call so I can pick up the car, get it home, hope nobody notices the difference, and vow I will never drive anything smaller than an SUV. This week needs to go faster so I can have my Rav back. Blahhhh.

So that's my embarrassing story ... it's especially bad because I drive this route nearly everyday, why would I do something like this now?! Ughhhh. Of course, at least it was just a curb and my tire and not the whole vehicle and another one! Small victories, right? Definitely feeling blessed and fortunate that it was just this minor incident, it could have been a lot worse.

I Wrote 200 Letters I Will Never Send.

Monday had me hearing things like "I'm just gonna quickly nip to the loo." (I LOVE having a British co-worker), "You call EVERYBODY sweetpea!" (and yet you still smile when I do, little girl!),and "My dad is gonna trade in his Rolls Royce for an Alfa Romeo." (I wanted to kick this guy in the face ... he was up on the training level of the YMCA, running on an elliptical along the balcony, and having a shouted conversation with a lady down on the main floor.  Pretentious ass face.)

Tuesday was paper work, paper work, paper work(!!!!) in the morning, oh and organizing toys I suppose.  Buying a Happy Meal at McDonalds for lunch just so I could get a Hello Kitty toy. Almost getting lost, but managing to figure out which direction to go in the fork in the road at the very last - and I do mean last - second while driving through downtown to get to my afternoon shift (luckily, there was no traffic behind me ... I admittedly had to do some fancy maneuvering in reverse.  Oops.).

Wednesday was full of nerves, slight breakthroughs, and awkward moments. I really would rather not elaborate too much on this.  Just know that awkward day is awkward.

Thursday saw me with a split lip, bruised thigh, bruised shins, and a bruised pelvic bone.  Sounds like I was assaulted, but nope, just a child going through an aggressive phase and using his head when I told him to not hit with his hands or feet.  Creative, I suppose, but left me in a world of pain.  Pretty sure if I had been a man, the hit to the groin would have been worse, but still ridiculously painful.  Still managed to power through some errands after work, and go to dance class which effectively made my old knee injury flare up again and make my thighs burn the only way a Highland Fling can.

Friday was exhaustion ... and painful in a crampy, midsection-on-fire kind of way.  Really didn't get very much done, but indulge in a 3 hour nap after lunch. :3

Today was another fairly lazy day simply explicable by a lack of motivation to do anything.  However, I must allow myself this moment in vanity and say that I looked really pretty today. :) Why can't I look this good when I actually see people I'm going to be spending time with for more than an hour!?

Tomorrow I ship my Dad and Auntie back to the motherland.  Yes, putting them in their own boxes and taking them to the FedEx loading docks at the airport.  Just kidding, they get their own seats; albeit they have to sit with strangers and about 60 rows apart on the plane to Taipei and another couple dozen rows apart from Taipei to Manila.  Oh well, I suppose.  Knowing my dad he probably prefers sitting apart from his sister ... I think he wishes they were sitting closer than 60 rows apart, but definitely doesn't mind not sitting side-by-side.  (And now you all know where I get my loner-ish tendencies from!)

Break the Silence.

I've been home for an hour and the silence is already driving me crazy ... I can't turn on the tv because almost every channel is covering the tragedy in Newtown, CT and it's terribly depressing, but also very infuriating.  I don't want to hear about the killer; psychoanalyzing him posthumously won't change a thing, it won't bring those kids and adults back, it's getting everyone's attention on somebody who really doesn't deserve the recognition his name is getting.  Retelling the story every 15 minutes is also probably making this whole ordeal worse for the families who did lose somebody.  So stop.

Media sensationalism gets on my nerves so much, especially because it doesn't do anything! It brings about the ridiculous argument that video games and movies inspire violence in people - they don't.  People create violence.  People who have mental illness but have no access to help but wide access to the gun market create violence.  Clearly, the states needs to rethink their gun laws AND their health care.  The fact that it's easier for people to access guns than it is to access medical help of any sort is horrific, particularly for a first world country.

ANYWAY ... I digress.

So my house is quiet.  I can't turn on the tv, for the aforementioned reasons. I won't turn on music because, for whatever reason, I don't feel like listening to music; I'm just not in the mood.  So here I am, tap, tap, tapping away at my laptop, listening to the sound of my fingers hitting the keyboard and the traffic rushing by outside, (not to mention the ambient clock ticking and natural house creaks).  You never really realize just how much noise goes on in your home that you find to be ambient until you're alone.

This house has never felt so big.