We Have Changed, but We're Still the Same.

I had to pay a visit to my Alma mater this afternoon to get some things sorted out. (It's still strange that I can refer to that place as my Alma mater.) I figured I'd take the chance to catch up with friends. Unfortunately, the usual suspects had work, class, or just didn't respond, but I did get to catch up with two people I haven't seen in months.

It's amazing when you can find sympathy, similarity, and solace in the most unexpected of places.  (How was that for alliteration?) I was lucky to have met up with this friend today. We've never been super compatible, but I've usually been one of his confidants in the past. Today surprised me and found us switching roles a little bit. I found a maturity and insight that's never been there before.  Being in a relationship for three years has definitely changed him in a million ways, especially considering all the complications they've had along the way.

In any case, it was refreshing to hear such a different perspective from the ones I'm used to. I'm impressed. I'm also amazed at how easy the discourse was ... then again, he's one to never stop.

You've come a long way, CK.

Je me souviens.

I remember everything.

I remember faces, names, details.  There are people that I was in the same Grade 3 class who have no idea who the hell I am anymore, but I still remember their names and certain details about them, like their favourite hobby or the shirt that they wore most.  I remember birthdays, anniversaries, phone numbers (although, my penchant for numbers is leaving me with my increasing reliance on my phone, and the fact most of my friends are in a different area code).  Most of all, I remember things people tell me about them - stories from their past, a recent encounter with an ex, a funny situation they found themselves in, the thing that made them cry last.

Of course, I can't even remember what I had for breakfast, what I wore yesterday or the day before that, and I'm horrible at history.  I guess it all had to balance out somewhere.

Some people may think my ability to remember these things is a gift, and it is, but it also comes with a price.  I find I get bored easily and, in a way, lose the drive to continue a conversation.  So while I am a laconic person in general, this taciturnity increases exponentially because I internally roll my eyes and temporarily lose attention if I've heard something before.

Maybe I expect too much.  Well, not maybe, I do.  I expect my conversational partners to remember things that they've told me before and to only tell me novel and interesting things.  Most of the time I respond with a terse "Mmhmm" or "Right" or tell the person straight out that they've told me already.  It's a terrible habit and makes me an awful person to continue a conversation with.

Sometimes I let people retell the story, even if I remember every detail from the last time.  Maybe I should do that more often.  Perhaps there's some minute detail I missed in the last recounting of their tale, or maybe I've experienced something during the intermediate that allows me to offer insight I wasn't able to before.  Perhaps it would have helped save my last relationship.  I let myself get bored, I let myself get too angry, I let myself close off.

I'm a lady of few words, especially those verbally spoken.  While, it's my nature to be introverted, my lack of speech also comes from my extensive memory of conversations past and attention to details.

I remember everything. 

It's both a gift and a curse.

Taking Shortcuts and False Solutions.

Hopeful. Hopeless. Moving on. Letting go. Rewind. Falling back. Take a breath. Leave me alone. Stay with me. Crash. Fall apart. Crack. Heal. Cry a little. Get angry. Calm. Breaking down. Confidence. Self-doubt. Fighter. Wave the white flag. Snoop. Stop. Go. Move? Stay. Strengthen resolve. Give up. It's for the better. Why does it happen like this? It's not okay. Fight back, fight back, fight back. Get annoyed. Distractions. Disappear for a while. Lose yourself in words. Read. Write. Cry. Scream. Laugh. High heels. Dinner. Dreaming. Adventure? Wishful thinking. Stress, stress, stress. Sleep away the afternoon. Paper work. Oops. Coffee-addiction returns. Doubt, doubt, doubt. Uncertainty. Smile. Be yourself. But it's hard. Love me. Love yourself. Talk. Listen. Try again. Work hard. Stay true. Laugh. Fall apart. Stand up. Dance. Sing. Write. Keep Smiling. Live. /end

It Don't Break Even.

Hello hello,

I know entries have been slightly scarce from me lately and I've had to resort to music blogs, but I simply cannot bring myself to write a cohesive entry as I am desperately lacking cohesive thought.

1) Grad school applications are ... coming along to say the least.  I submitted my first one just last weekend actually.  My next one isn't due for another three weeks, but I figure I'll be getting on it within this week.  Of course, once you've written up one application, you've written them all.  Just need to modify my Statement of Purpose to each specific school.  Not a huge deal.

Aside from applications to various Communication Sciences and Disorders and Speech-Language Pathology programs across the US, I'm also applying to the Masters of Education program here at home.  Unfortunately, the discipline that I wanted to apply for is currently running and so will not be offered for the upcoming session, but I have narrowed it down to two disciplines that I would like to take.  I need to decide which to apply for, unless I apply for both I suppose.  Increase my chances a bit.  As much as I hope to get into a CSD or SLP program, I figure I would really enjoy doing an MEd, particularly in the disciplines I've chosen.

2) My little brother, who I suppose is not so little anymore turned 19 on Friday.  I feel like he just turned 16 last year! In any case, my mom and I brought lunch into his "school" (he attends a vocational program for adults with special needs, but for simplicity's sake, we all refer to it as school) for lunch on Friday.  It was nice to meet a few of the other participants in the program and their staff. 

Last night we went for dinner.  The original plan was Montana's, unfortunately the wait for a table was ridiculous so we ended up at Swiss Chalet.  Never again.  Ugh.  The service was great, the food was awful.  I don't even know what else to say.  Just ... never again.  I guess it explains why the place was probably only half-full at most.  As for the general demographic of diners ... I'm really not surprised.  haha!

3) I know that thick, "natural" eyebrows are the "in" thing right now, but there's a difference between thick and natural (excuse me as my immature brain giggles unyieldingly), and an ungroomed, hot mess.  Clean it up, darling.

This point, I know, is superficial, and I have no excuses to provide!

4) Golden Globes were on tonight.  While the GGs have never been my favourite award show, it just could not hold my attention at all! Even the red carpet coverage was sorely lacking - I can't believe how many times I didn't like a dress.  Usually I'm "ooh"-ing and "ahh"-ing, but this year I just wasn't impressed nearly as much.  A lot of the fashion was blah at best.  Stand-outs were Michelle Dockery, Halle Berry, and all the gowns that Tina Fey wore while hosting, especially the blue halter-ish number she wore at the beginning of the show.  I was expecting more, so I'm definitely disappointed; hopefully the Oscars don't disappoint me too!

5) Downton Abbey tonight - fabulous.  Lots of giggles to be had, and lots of swooning over Dan Stevens.  Yum.  haha :)

 Well ... I think that sums up this weekend.  Granted, it wasn't my entire week(end), but I hope there was enough detail in there to make up for my lack of substantial posts.

Text block blogging coming up soon! (I haven't done one of those for a while, but I think it's the only way I can sum up all of my thoughts without actually having to apply syntax to them.)

Better off When I Hit the Bottom.