Leave a Message, I'll Call You Back.

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind that November is just around the corner.

Honesty Hour.

Just a couple points of randomness from this past week:

- News about the NHL lockout makes me more mad than the NBA lockout did last year.  I'm not a super huge hockey fan, but I think it's entertaining ... I'm definitely more of a basketball fan (daughter of a diehard Lakers fan right here), but for whatever reason I find the NHL lockout infuriating. Hmm.

- This may sound prejudiced, but I really don't know how to spin this any other way.  I totally respect wearing of hijabs because I understand the reasoning behind it - do I necessarily agree? No, but it's the prerogative of the women who wear them and I'm not about to tell someone they shouldn't wear one.  Anyway ... those things are dangerous when driving! So I was in the outer lane at a dual left turn today and this woman making the turn next to me WAY over corrected right after the turn, she nearly side-swiped me by coming into my lane, thank goodness for the bus lane/stop I was able to drive slightly into to avoid getting hit.  Man, if looks could kill, she would have been incinerated on the spot - I was SO mad.  Now, maybe it was actually just her over-correcting to an insane degree, or trying to avoid the snow slightly piled along the median? But in any case, it probably also didn't help that her peripheral vision was completely blocked by the way her veil was wrapped.  She had about an inch in front of her face! So annoying ... I'm not sure what the conventions of wrapping the hijabs are, and I really don't care if you wear one because that's your religious custom, but keep it out of your face! I don't often see women with the hijab coming forward off their face, I more often see the style wrapped just along the hairline.  That seems to be the safer option.  Definitely.  ESPECIALLY if you're going to be driving.  Oh my goodness ... HOWEVER, I do just have to say that it was most likely just her being stupid and not watching/paying attention.  I mean REALLY.

- While on the topic of driving ... hey, macho men in the gigantic pick-up trucks? And you rich snobs driving the huge Escalades and other luxury SUVs? You don't own the road! Don't drive down the middle of the road - you know, those residential ones that are meant for TWO-WAY TRAFFIC?! Have some damned courtesy and drive closer to the side you're supposed to be on! Also, I'd appreciate a friggen signal light or thank you if you're coming in front of me.  Oh, and the bumper space between me and the car in front of me? You're huge honking truck will NOT fit in there; I left more space because of the ice, stupid BUT even a small car wouldn't have fit in there. Yes, looking at you asshole who almost side-swiped me the other day by trying to fit into that space but then swerved super quickly away because you decided on a different route.  Sheesh!

- ANYWAY ... perhaps I should make a disclaimer: I know I'm not the best driver and I've got some pretty bad habits, but the stupidity and recklessness of all these other people is just mind-blowing!

- Moving away from driving ...

- I just have to say that my dinosaur hoodie is the most comfortable thing in the WORLD.  I'm super warm and cozy right now.

- I hated, HATED that Taylor Swift song, Never Ever Getting Back Together, when it first came out; the flat verses and mediocre lyrics annoyed me. It's since grown on me, simply because it's so damned catchy. I like to apply it to my exes from high school haha.

- I was watching Grimm earlier (love that show) ... and it was scary.  I've never gotten scared from an episode before, but this episode ("La Llorona" if anyone wants to look it up) took the creepy factor to the maximum! Ughh ...

- Super exciting things happened on Tuesday - I bought tickets to the Maroon 5 concert! Thank goodness for fan club pre-sales haha.  I'm still holding out for tickets into the pit which don't go on sale til tomorrow when the general public can buy.  You can bet I'm gonna be up and refreshing the ticketmaster page like a maniac just to score those tickets.  Ugh ... I'm SO excited.  Adam Levine is the ultimate sex.  I've loved this group since they came out with Songs About Jane.  Once I've been to this concert, I will have fulfilled my top two concerts that I absolutely needed to go to before I died - I went to Bryan Adams last summer, and now Maroon 5 will be in town in March! Woo!

- I really need to get a move on with my grad school applications :( Not to mention, my GRE re-take is just over a month away :'(

- I'm actually starting to have second thoughts about my career plans ... not in the "I want to change what they are" way, but in the "I don't think I can make it" way.  I guess I've just been thinking about what happens if I get rejected again this cycle a bit more lately.  In all honesty, I don't think I would try again.  But in a way, I almost don't want to try at all.  I guess I'm just so terrified of rejection this time around that I'm not even willing to put myself out there.  Don't get me wrong, I will get my applications in, but I'm REALLY putting it off because of the whole rejection thing.  I should also admit that I've been re-thinking the whole thing and I really wouldn't mind just being a preschool teacher or something.  Yeah, yeah, preschool teachers don't get paid nearly as much as speech-language pathologists do, but I would be working with preschool aged children which is what I love doing and that's really what matters, right? I dunno ...

- I feel like I'm getting boring with this entry.  I've actually been sitting here writing this blog for over a half hour, so I think I'll end it there.

I'll leave you with this song Daylight - Maroon 5... it's my favourite song off of the Overexposed album and I do believe they're planning on this being the next single that's released.

I never wanted to stop 

because I didn't want to start all over, start all over.

I was afraid of the dark, 

but now it's all that I want, all that I want ...

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go,

but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own, 

but tonight I need to hold you so close.

Simple Pleasures.

Nothing like going back to your first love to rejuvenate you and make you feel better about everything.  You can laugh, get down and dirty, blow some steam off, ease some physical tensions, be as loud as you want.  The difference a mere hour can make is phenomenal.

Of course, it doesn't come without the pain ... and maybe an iota of regret.

My thighs and calves are already screaming. I'm sorta dreading tomorrow.

I love tap dancing.  Never again will I have a decade long hiatus without my first love.

;)

Flawed Design IV

It's that feeling of not being quite good enough, not being able to stack up to anyone's expectations, including your own.

It's hearing the disappointment in your dad's voice when he talks about the place in life you're currently in.  Trying to convince him the menial jobs you take on now are a necessary stepping stone to your ultimate goal is done in vain.  You have a Bachelor's degree, but at this point it's not worth much without the experience simply because your grades weren't good enough. You can't be considered a professional at this stage because you're lacking the qualifications needed.  You're taking a course to have all the pre-requisites for grad school lined up because you didn't do enough research the last time you applied. You're still in this city because everywhere you applied to go last year rejected you.

It's the loneliness that has crept up on you none too subtly.  You're alone because you weren't enough to keep him around. You need him more than he ever needed you because you let your emotions rule you.  You're too emotional and sentimental.  You're keeping yourself from sending that text or making that call because you want to see if he'll put the effort in to salvage the friendship at least.  Unfortunately, the outlook doesn't seem too promising.  You two have survived not speaking for years, but this time it's that much worse simply because more has happened between you.  Face the music, he doesn't want you or need you.  Even if they say they'll never leave, everyone always does eventually.

It's that hopelessness and helplessness. Everyone has seemingly given up on you.  You fall into the role of the listening ear so easily that they think you're fine. You blog so much about your problems, no one's going to open that can of worms because it'll be the same old, same old.  No one expects anything more than tears or anger or silence.

I just want something to work out for once ... and for it to stay. I'm tired of all the rejection and loss.

In My Heart It's Raining.

It's been one of those evenings where I've thought myself into a hole.  Surprise, surprise!

Although, I should say I haven't cried, so that's gotta count for something, right?

It started with watching a TV show he and I used to watch together, then I just kinda got stuck.  Fretting about driving on ice tomorrow morning for the first time this season, and reminiscing on all the snowball fights, early morning snuggles, coffee dates of winters past.  Thinking back to conversations about the aforementioned show - including making fun of the more ridiculous ideas presented, and making up our own possible business endeavours ... realizing that smile and laugh will never be directed at me again.

Not even my fresh manicure can shake this chill.