Trouble in the Friendly Skies Tonight.

Honesty is the best policy. Well, it used to be, at least. Now I find myself hard pressed to get any truthfulness out of certain people. Regardless of how I attempt to coax honesty out - gently or angrily - I'm met with a certain defensiveness.

The truth hurts, but lies and untruths are harder to emotionally comprehend.

(This post was originally from the 21st, I didn't realize until just now it never actually got published. Blah.)

Timekeeper Please Won't You Slow it Down Tonight?

(but not actually)

Playing the waiting game ...

1) ... to hear back from grad schools (I've heard back from 1/5 ... not sharing any details, sorry.)

2) ... to see Maroon 5 in concert (a week tomorrow!)

3) ... to get a text that will probably never come (alright, maybe within a month - with some persistent convincing from an external party.)

I'm probably the worst person to make wait.  Anticipating some brilliant moods within the next couple of weeks! :)

Jump Up Down Up Down.

I was checking out at Walmart this afternoon.  The cashier was a slightly older gentleman; I've never encountered him before, but my mom has and he's constantly asking people how their days are going and just being generally friendly, which, in all honesty, is pretty rare these days.  After he asked me if I wanted to sign up for a mastercard (which I politely declined) and if I wanted to donate $1 to the Breakfast Clubs of Canada (which I did), the following ensued:

Him: I'm sorry, one more question.
Me: Oh ... Ookay?
Him: What was the highest point of your day?
Me: Oh, uhh, I guess I had a really great day at work.  What was yours?

He then proceeded to tell me that the highest point of his day was that he got to write his own obituary.  I laughed and told him that I didn't think very many people would think that that was the highest point of their day.  He asked me who better to write your obituary than yourself, then told me that whether or not his wife decided to use it was an entirely different issue.  I then replied that hopefully he wouldn't actually need said obituary for a long while yet.

I just thought I'd share this funny little story as it definitely brightened my day.

Considering the Monday I had, today was brilliant.  (I stupidly locked my keys in my car yesterday while the weather was at its worst with respect to the cold and blowing snow ... fortunately my mom was able to come right away and bring her set of keys.)

I figure I should also share that I got to watch the likes of Lisa La Touche, Tasha Lawson, Danny Nielsen, Katelyn Harris, and Max Pollak dance on Friday night, then take master classes with Tasha and Max on Sunday.  I highly suggest looking up Max Pollak's rumba tap on youtube.  Seriously.

I know how to rumba and I know how to tap, but putting them together? I couldn't.  I'll save you the trouble of looking up the first video ... enjoy!

Things Discovered.

When having a mental breakdown while getting ready for work, blow drying hair is an effective way to stop crying. All your sinuses hurt when you flip your head upside down. Huh.

Alone in the Dark of Night.

In desperate need of Wednesday afternoon to arrive. Desperate.  Silence is too noisy. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I Need Something, But I Get Nothing.

Listening to Grace Potter and The Nocturnals and gorging myself on ice cream tonight.  This, sad to say, is my life right now.

I've been experiencing a low phase in my current dichotomy of emotions for the past few days.  Suffice to say, I'd love to just sleep my life away right now.  Hardly anything can hold my attention or spark a lasting interest.  I mean, yesterday I received the three song books I ordered off of Amazon last week, sat myself at my piano, and within a half hour I'd completely lost interest in learning the songs I had been anticipating to do.  I can't even motivate myself to go to the gym, it's been two weeks and despite how awful I feel about myself, I just can't.

Indulged in a bit of retail therapy with my mom yesterday afternoon.  Managed to score a leather jacket (because you absolutely cannot resist buying a $300 jacket for only $60, you'd be insane not to take the deal), a pair of kick-ass high heeled boots I've been craving since November.  I did my nails and actually put a lot of effort into the nail art last night in an effort to make myself feel, well, something.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure I actually like the design I did so it was a bit of a failed attempt.  Aside from feeling slight satisfaction in my purchases and actually making my nails look a little fancier than usual, nothing.

It really sucks having, really, only two emotions ... okay, three consistently.  Numb, depression, rage.  Happiness is only ephemeral and happens, pretty much, just in the company of my child clients at work.  One of the many things I am thankful for with my current occupation - children are just inherently happy and it's contagious.  Unfortunately, the effects, for me, wear off the moment I'm back in my car.

I guess I'm praying for a miracle to happen and to make me feel a much wider range of emotions as of yesterday, but I know that's impossible.  I'm hoping this coming week will get me out of my funk, even if it is just temporary.  In all honesty, my entire life right now is just full of "temporaries," I'm really not counting on any "permanents" - now that would be wishful thinking.

How Dare You Say My Behavior's Unacceptable.

At first I thought it was just misplaced rage caused by an irrational train of thought.  Now, I realize I haven't been entirely irrational.  The more I reflect on it, the more it's justified ... and for once, it's not just me and my topsy turvy mind.

Just Come and Dance with Me Tonight.

I was just listening to my ipod on shuffle in my car today and this song came on ... I suppose it's a bit at odds with how I've been feeling lately and what's been going on in my life, but it makes me happy.  It's one of those feel-good songs and even if you can't necessarily relate to the lyrics, it will certainly make you want to dance - well, it makes me want to dance at least.

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.  And hopefully, I'll have an actual blog entry up in the next few days (work has been keeping me especially busy this week, so I apologize!)

So much learning to lose,
but you're not a day too soon.
So say you feel the same and
we'll never be lonely anymore
 

I'll wear that dress if you wear the tie
and baby we'll dance through the night
'cause no one's got what we've got going.
Happiness never held on to me
until you had me see
that together we're just better off.

I Wrote 200 Letters I Will Never Send.

Monday had me hearing things like "I'm just gonna quickly nip to the loo." (I LOVE having a British co-worker), "You call EVERYBODY sweetpea!" (and yet you still smile when I do, little girl!),and "My dad is gonna trade in his Rolls Royce for an Alfa Romeo." (I wanted to kick this guy in the face ... he was up on the training level of the YMCA, running on an elliptical along the balcony, and having a shouted conversation with a lady down on the main floor.  Pretentious ass face.)

Tuesday was paper work, paper work, paper work(!!!!) in the morning, oh and organizing toys I suppose.  Buying a Happy Meal at McDonalds for lunch just so I could get a Hello Kitty toy. Almost getting lost, but managing to figure out which direction to go in the fork in the road at the very last - and I do mean last - second while driving through downtown to get to my afternoon shift (luckily, there was no traffic behind me ... I admittedly had to do some fancy maneuvering in reverse.  Oops.).

Wednesday was full of nerves, slight breakthroughs, and awkward moments. I really would rather not elaborate too much on this.  Just know that awkward day is awkward.

Thursday saw me with a split lip, bruised thigh, bruised shins, and a bruised pelvic bone.  Sounds like I was assaulted, but nope, just a child going through an aggressive phase and using his head when I told him to not hit with his hands or feet.  Creative, I suppose, but left me in a world of pain.  Pretty sure if I had been a man, the hit to the groin would have been worse, but still ridiculously painful.  Still managed to power through some errands after work, and go to dance class which effectively made my old knee injury flare up again and make my thighs burn the only way a Highland Fling can.

Friday was exhaustion ... and painful in a crampy, midsection-on-fire kind of way.  Really didn't get very much done, but indulge in a 3 hour nap after lunch. :3

Today was another fairly lazy day simply explicable by a lack of motivation to do anything.  However, I must allow myself this moment in vanity and say that I looked really pretty today. :) Why can't I look this good when I actually see people I'm going to be spending time with for more than an hour!?

Tomorrow I ship my Dad and Auntie back to the motherland.  Yes, putting them in their own boxes and taking them to the FedEx loading docks at the airport.  Just kidding, they get their own seats; albeit they have to sit with strangers and about 60 rows apart on the plane to Taipei and another couple dozen rows apart from Taipei to Manila.  Oh well, I suppose.  Knowing my dad he probably prefers sitting apart from his sister ... I think he wishes they were sitting closer than 60 rows apart, but definitely doesn't mind not sitting side-by-side.  (And now you all know where I get my loner-ish tendencies from!)

Turn Around and Run Away.

Anxiety creeping in at exponential levels tonight.

Trying to find someone to spend the hour prior to my appointment tomorrow to distract me from the nervousness and ensure I actually go. Unfortunately my search has been fruitless.

I could go work out, but I feel like I may accidentally-on-purpose work out too long. I mean, the deposit I paid to book that appointment would be forfeit, but it wasn't that expensive...

Ugh.

I Got Nothing Left to Show You.

"Why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad, sweetie."

"Oh, but you have a sad face on!"

"Do I have a sad looking mouth?"

"No ... but your eyes look sad!"

"I'm just tired ... that's all."

"Oh ... that's okay then.  I thought you were sad. You should get more sleep!"

[Sigh] ... the perception and lack of filter in 4-and 5-year-olds never ceases to amaze me.  Of course, it's also nice that they can be so easily swayed to believe untruths.

Never Gonna Leave This Bed.

Feeling a little shitty tonight. Not as bad as last night though which is a huge plus.

Triggers are in a huge abundance tonight. I've been reminded of a certain former friend's huge lack of consideration, not to mention constant need for attention.  Anyway, triggers are triggers and I really don't need them right now. 

I guess I can say that I do feel accomplished in having submitted a few more grad school applications today. Silver linings and all that.

Sorry, short post is short.