I'm Strong Enough to Mend.

You're too young to look so sad, dear. Chin up.

I was out today and an older woman I made eye contact with said the aforementioned quote.  All I could really do was give her a small smile and nod in acknowledgement as we continued on our separate ways.  I guess you know it's a really low phase when a complete stranger can tell how down and out you are.

I'm working on it.  It's just really difficult sometimes.

Apologies for the lack of updates.  I'm currently drafting an entry that I've been working on for a week and a half now, it's not quite what I want it to be yet.  Hopefully soon.

Letters of Upset.

Dear You,

I know it's not intentional, and jokes are jokes, but you're being a bit of an insensitive jerk.

From,
Me.

The Only Thing that Keeps Me Wishing.

It's a bit disheartening, but a tad liberating at the same time, when you finally realize someone is likely always going to let you down.

You can hope for the best and wish things to change, but wishing only gets you so far. Besides, too many things have transpired and the situation is so far out of your control for it to ever change. 

That moment you accept this fact breaks your heart that much more, but it's a step in the right direction.  You can't control the other person anymore than you can control the situation.  You can never know what is going through the other person's mind, or what their feeling, or their motivations for why they do what they do. That's life though, isn't it? You never know.

I've been aware that I've been let down over and over for almost a year now, but now I think I finally just get it. I've finally accepted it as the absolute certainty in my life.  I'm going to continue being let down so long as the dynamic of this entire thing remains the same, but I still hope to be proved wrong - for my absolute certainty to not be so absolute.

I may be holding out for a miracle, but I'm not going to hold my breath anymore.

[Edit 10:57 pm: Pleasantly surprised ... still not expecting a lot though]

Harder to Breathe.

Saw Maroon 5 in concert tonight. I just about died seeing Adam Levine in person and literally meters away.

Unfortunately I couldn't even enjoy that high, thanks a friggin lot.

Calm Me Down, Calm Me Down.

Setting the counter back to 0.

I was doing so well for myself, but "all good things must come to an end," and "what goes up, must come down", and what not after all! Unfortunately, what comes down crashes and burns in a horrible way.

5-5-1-1. 5-5-1-1. 5-5-1-1.

Love Can Never Last When You're Flying Up This High.

There's trouble in my lonely old balloon
I let you jump, but maybe you jumped too soon
It's too late for me to turn back now
So, goodbye baby
I'm not ready to follow you down

And yeah, you're gone like the wind and it don't even matter
I fly above it all and watch the world shatter
We had a skydive love affair
Doomed from the very start
So you can throw my love to the wind
I'll just float back to the ground
With my parachute heart

Mama Said Knock You Out.

I don't understand all the tweets and status updates on my various social media feeds complaining about the snow, asking why Mother Nature is torturing us or if Mother Nature has a problem with us.  We live in Calgary and it's March, we're bound to get snow and lots of it.  At least it's not cold.

And honestly? We've been pretty damn lucky so far this winter; huge snowfall is part of living in this city.  Don't like it? Then why'd you bother moving here in the first place?

You're Such a Hard Act for Me to Follow.

 A case of the Mondays hit me pretty hard on, you guessed it, Monday.  My morning went reasonably well, as did my lunch meeting with some of my co-workers, my "supervisor", and our HR administrator, but then it all went a bit downhill with me locking my keys in my car just as the worst of the cold and snowy weather hit.  I don't even know how I was able to function that afternoon, my mind was in a total fog.

Humor filled my Tuesday - please refer to my prior entry about it, as I'm too lazy to describe it again.

Wednesday was overall a bit of a drag ... I was exhausted in the morning, feeling pretty decent by noon, felt really good about myself and successful, and then I had one of my appointments and it just wrecked my mood.

Success found me on Thursday at dance class: after about two months of learning the Highland Fling for tap, I finally got through the entire combo without messing up and without my knees starting to hurt.  Of course, my thighs and calves burned and I was exhausted at the end of the hour, but it was so worth it.  No pain, no gain after all! Thursday also found me buying 10 boxes of pizza pops from Sobeys and being laughed at by the cashier and the bagger-dude.  And before you ask, no, the pizza pops were not for me ... alright, 4 of them were.  They were half off and my uncle loves them, so we figured we'd stock up for him.  Anyway, it was right after dance class, my hair was in the messiest bun ever, I was in my work-out clothes, and looked like a hot mess.  Add that to buying 10 boxes of pizza pops and two bottles of this juice/smoothie thing that I've recently found myself addicted to, and it looked like I was some stressed out university freshman.  (Except that during my first year of university I was loath to even let myself out of the house without make-up and a pair of jeans on.  Starving university bum chic? Not for me)

Anyway, I digress ...

Today was busy, running around town and doing errands, having dinner out with my mom, brother, aunt, and uncle because my aunt and uncle wanted to treat my mom for her birthday which is tomorrow.  Despite my exhaustion, I ended up playing Just Dance 3 and 4 with my brother for an hour, then solo for another hour.  Needless to say, I'm more than exhausted now, and it's not even 9:30.

I'm probably going to head to bed soon ... aw yes, I know, I'm a badass: going to bed early on a Friday night.

(That's actually kind of depressing ... I'm going to try and not dwell on the fact)

Til next!