These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes.

Pros:

Finding potential places to live fairly easily. Back working with people I love and in an environment that is a great fit. Sunshine. Heat. Open communication. Strong feelings. Meeting great people. Coffee. Cute children at work. Laughter. Teasing banter. Carefree. Expressing creativity. Certainty. Responsibility. Hope. Fun. Dance. Support. Temporary happiness. Success. Feeling appreciated and accomplished.

Cons:

Mom rushed to ER. Boyfriend sick therefore tired therefore cranky therefore anti-social. Friends out of town for work, school, vacation. Don't want to be a bother by texting. Misunderstandings. Closed communication. Strong feelings. Leaving. Tears. Guilt. Worry. Overthinking. Wondering. Questioning. What if. Coffee. Doubt. Bad habits. Criticism. Anger. Feeling underestimated. Busy. Schedules. Distance. Guessing. Uncertainty. Responsibility. Stress. Fear. Terror. Helplessness. 

I Don't Want Easy, I Want Crazy.

Been on a total Hunter Hayes binge for the past few days ... so much so that I couldn't actually decide which song I wanted to post, so I'm posting two! :) I hadn't heard "Wanted" for a long time and it had been playing at this diner in Beiseker last weekend and just this past weekend I simply had this urge to listen to it again ... about a hundred times in a row.  Eventually I figured I should branch out a bit and check out some more of his music and found "I Want Crazy" and listened to that about 100 times too, so I figured I'd share in the ear worms!

You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
Makes sense when I'm with you

Like everything that's green, girl, I need you
But it's more than one and one makes two
Put aside the math and the logic of it
You gotta know you're wanted too

I don't want just another hug and a kiss goodnight
Catchin' up calls and a date sometimes
I love that we're rebels, and we still believe
We're the kind of crazy people wish that they could be, yeah

It Ain't Right If You Ain't Lost Your Mind.

Upset.  Arguments.  Cheering up.  Term papers.  Caffeine.  Confusion.  Stress.  Caffeine.  Caffeine.  Pigging out.  Passing out.  Zumba.  Strange faces.  Leather.  Broken appliances.  Pissed off.  Disapproving glares.  Arguments.  Arguments.  Arguments.  Tension.  Annoyed.  Irritated.  Fucking crazy.  Light-hearted.  Smiles.  Laughter.  Late nights.  Exhaustion.  Slight inebriation.  Moderate inebriation.  Rambling.  Random.  Open.  Waxing poetic.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.

Settle the Score.

My words were admittedly not the nicest and they were not forgiving in anyway, but the bigger picture was completely lost.  The main message that was actually intended completely ignored and that was most definitely in my delivery.  However, it doesn't change how I feel.  I won't apologize for having feelings, especially because they are real and true and just as valid as anyone else's emotions.  If that makes me selfish or makes it seem like I don't value people as much as I should, then that is your prerogative to believe it.

Giving Up On You.

Whenever I plan something, I try to make it so that the most people are accommodated.  Whenever I don't plan something, I don't seem to get the same courtesy.  There's a set date and time already, but one friend says they can't make it, so a new date gets chosen.  I can't make the new date, nothing changes.  And it's always that same friend that gets heaven and earth moved for them (it's driving me crazy using the plural pronoun for a singular person, but I'm trying to be sort of objective here) and that just irks me to no end.  Plans change, arrangements for rides and other details are made, people go out of their way for this friend ... 

Always happens.

But strangely, I'm used to it.  It irritates the fuck out of me, but I'm used to it.  I'm used to being blown off.  I'm used to being told I live too far away.  I'm used to being left out of plans entirely.  I'm used to having to be self-reliant in getting anywhere.  I'm used to not getting ride offers.  I'm used to being told that the plans "can't" change if I can't make it.  I'm used to telling people, "It's okay, you guys go have fun.  If that date works better for everyone else, I don't mind."

I shouldn't be used to that.

I shouldn't have to compromise that much.  I shouldn't have to concede so far that it's not even a compromise anymore, that's me giving in entirely.

Makes me re-evaluate all of my friendships entirely.