Hold Your Breath and Fall Apart.

I've been in strange moods for the past few days.  As usual, I've got a song that matches the mood.  This song has been on repeat in my car during my commutes quite often (I'll let the album play, but once I get to this song I hit the repeat mode).  Anyway, I've mentioned in previous posts that Esthero is my favourite female artist, and her first album in seven years was released just a few months ago.  I received my signed copy of it in the mail just last week.

This is hands down my favourite song on the album, unfortunately, the video below was the only one I was able to find of it.  The album features Jonah Johnson, but this version has the talented Ron Sexsmith.  The audience makes it a little tricky to hear the actual song though.  I recommend taking a listen to the studio version here. (You do have to create an account, which is kind of a pain, but totally worth it.)

I think I've rambled enough ... so without further ado, Crash - Esthero ft. Ron Sexsmith.

Crashed down on the floor,

Hold your breath and fall apart.

You made a simple mistake,

And now you're paying for it with your heart.

Some of us make our own beds,

But we can't afford to lay in them.

Remember I always have said you should leave me alone ...

'Cause I don't wanna crash now,

I'm afraid that I'm going nowhere way too fast.

And I can't hear what you say,

I'm in a conversation with my past.

Well maybe, I wasn't that brave,

So much as brazen, but it got me through.

And somehow the path that I paved

Just keeps leading me to you.

But I don't wanna crash now.

I don't wanna crash now.

I shoulda never been afraid to lay you down,

I just wanna hold you in my arms again,

If only for a moment I could have you here,

Lady, I would never let you go,

But I don't wanna crash now.

I don't wanna crash now.

Come on in the sun,

When you're scared, then face it down,

'Cause here I am in your love ...

Keep facing the sun, you'll reach it one day.

Baby don't look back til you get what you need,

And you need to be free.

And when the sun goes down,

There's still tomorrow,

Don't be afraid to let your sorrow breathe.

Your strength is all you need.

Did you ever know you were the one?

'Cause I could hardly even tell ...

Stress Me Out.

Grad school applications = streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessful.

I don't even know how many times I have tried to upload a copy of my transcripts to the application website for one of the schools and it won't take!

Ughh ... I'm losing my mind!

Just Rip Out My Heart and Crush It.

I shall never be happy with anyone else as long as you walk the earth.

- Matthew Crawley (Downton Abbey 03x01)

While I do enjoy several tv series, Downton Abbey is the only one with the ability to make me laugh, cry, and gasp all in one episode (most shows can only get 2/3 reactions from me).  In any case, I was ecstatic to learn that North America was finally getting to view season 3 on television, and promptly glued myself to my seat for an uninterrupted 2 hours for the premiere this evening.

I have always seen Mary as the ultimate entitled bitch, but I cannot deny how hard I ship her with Matthew.  I also cannot deny my insane attraction for him, but that's another story entirely.  Anyway, I really can't even describe how the above quote made me feel.  It was perfection delivered in less than 5 seconds.

Damn those Brits for making such incredible television.

If you've never seen Downton Abbey, I must insist that you get on it immediately. :)

Lack of Passion is Fatal.

Chemistry between two people is something that cannot be forced.  It's the natural flow of things between two personalities striving in togetherness; it's the product of a mutual attraction.  Everything is simple and feels normal, right: the careless banter, physical closeness, a certain sense of comfort.  Chemistry is achieving that harmony without actually putting a ton of effort in.

It's what you do with that chemistry, however, that determines where the relationship goes.  It can be great or it can fall devastatingly flat.  After all, chemistry can only be so much of a relationship.  Good friends will always have good chemistry.  Lovers, on the other hand, have something more.

There's a certain passion attached to being in love: a passion to be with the other person, to make that person happy, to make it last.  Passion isn't as naturally-occurring as chemistry, however.  Passion arises from the desire to make the chemistry withstand time, tribulations, distance.  With passion comes effort and with effort the relationship achieves greatness.

I guess it's why relationships between people with amazing chemistry between them don't always work out.

Chemistry doesn't break your heart.  Passion and the lack thereof does.

Stupid Girl.

I messed up.  This time there is nobody to blame but myself. Evidently, I cannot just leave well enough alone.  In this case, it was more than well enough - it was great.  Not just good, great.

And I had to go and ruin it.

Ugh.

I'm not sad, just angry.