Leave a Message, I'll Call You Back.

Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind that November is just around the corner.

Honesty Hour.

Just a couple points of randomness from this past week:

- News about the NHL lockout makes me more mad than the NBA lockout did last year.  I'm not a super huge hockey fan, but I think it's entertaining ... I'm definitely more of a basketball fan (daughter of a diehard Lakers fan right here), but for whatever reason I find the NHL lockout infuriating. Hmm.

- This may sound prejudiced, but I really don't know how to spin this any other way.  I totally respect wearing of hijabs because I understand the reasoning behind it - do I necessarily agree? No, but it's the prerogative of the women who wear them and I'm not about to tell someone they shouldn't wear one.  Anyway ... those things are dangerous when driving! So I was in the outer lane at a dual left turn today and this woman making the turn next to me WAY over corrected right after the turn, she nearly side-swiped me by coming into my lane, thank goodness for the bus lane/stop I was able to drive slightly into to avoid getting hit.  Man, if looks could kill, she would have been incinerated on the spot - I was SO mad.  Now, maybe it was actually just her over-correcting to an insane degree, or trying to avoid the snow slightly piled along the median? But in any case, it probably also didn't help that her peripheral vision was completely blocked by the way her veil was wrapped.  She had about an inch in front of her face! So annoying ... I'm not sure what the conventions of wrapping the hijabs are, and I really don't care if you wear one because that's your religious custom, but keep it out of your face! I don't often see women with the hijab coming forward off their face, I more often see the style wrapped just along the hairline.  That seems to be the safer option.  Definitely.  ESPECIALLY if you're going to be driving.  Oh my goodness ... HOWEVER, I do just have to say that it was most likely just her being stupid and not watching/paying attention.  I mean REALLY.

- While on the topic of driving ... hey, macho men in the gigantic pick-up trucks? And you rich snobs driving the huge Escalades and other luxury SUVs? You don't own the road! Don't drive down the middle of the road - you know, those residential ones that are meant for TWO-WAY TRAFFIC?! Have some damned courtesy and drive closer to the side you're supposed to be on! Also, I'd appreciate a friggen signal light or thank you if you're coming in front of me.  Oh, and the bumper space between me and the car in front of me? You're huge honking truck will NOT fit in there; I left more space because of the ice, stupid BUT even a small car wouldn't have fit in there. Yes, looking at you asshole who almost side-swiped me the other day by trying to fit into that space but then swerved super quickly away because you decided on a different route.  Sheesh!

- ANYWAY ... perhaps I should make a disclaimer: I know I'm not the best driver and I've got some pretty bad habits, but the stupidity and recklessness of all these other people is just mind-blowing!

- Moving away from driving ...

- I just have to say that my dinosaur hoodie is the most comfortable thing in the WORLD.  I'm super warm and cozy right now.

- I hated, HATED that Taylor Swift song, Never Ever Getting Back Together, when it first came out; the flat verses and mediocre lyrics annoyed me. It's since grown on me, simply because it's so damned catchy. I like to apply it to my exes from high school haha.

- I was watching Grimm earlier (love that show) ... and it was scary.  I've never gotten scared from an episode before, but this episode ("La Llorona" if anyone wants to look it up) took the creepy factor to the maximum! Ughh ...

- Super exciting things happened on Tuesday - I bought tickets to the Maroon 5 concert! Thank goodness for fan club pre-sales haha.  I'm still holding out for tickets into the pit which don't go on sale til tomorrow when the general public can buy.  You can bet I'm gonna be up and refreshing the ticketmaster page like a maniac just to score those tickets.  Ugh ... I'm SO excited.  Adam Levine is the ultimate sex.  I've loved this group since they came out with Songs About Jane.  Once I've been to this concert, I will have fulfilled my top two concerts that I absolutely needed to go to before I died - I went to Bryan Adams last summer, and now Maroon 5 will be in town in March! Woo!

- I really need to get a move on with my grad school applications :( Not to mention, my GRE re-take is just over a month away :'(

- I'm actually starting to have second thoughts about my career plans ... not in the "I want to change what they are" way, but in the "I don't think I can make it" way.  I guess I've just been thinking about what happens if I get rejected again this cycle a bit more lately.  In all honesty, I don't think I would try again.  But in a way, I almost don't want to try at all.  I guess I'm just so terrified of rejection this time around that I'm not even willing to put myself out there.  Don't get me wrong, I will get my applications in, but I'm REALLY putting it off because of the whole rejection thing.  I should also admit that I've been re-thinking the whole thing and I really wouldn't mind just being a preschool teacher or something.  Yeah, yeah, preschool teachers don't get paid nearly as much as speech-language pathologists do, but I would be working with preschool aged children which is what I love doing and that's really what matters, right? I dunno ...

- I feel like I'm getting boring with this entry.  I've actually been sitting here writing this blog for over a half hour, so I think I'll end it there.

I'll leave you with this song Daylight - Maroon 5... it's my favourite song off of the Overexposed album and I do believe they're planning on this being the next single that's released.

I never wanted to stop 

because I didn't want to start all over, start all over.

I was afraid of the dark, 

but now it's all that I want, all that I want ...

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go,

but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close.

'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own, 

but tonight I need to hold you so close.

Simple Pleasures.

Nothing like going back to your first love to rejuvenate you and make you feel better about everything.  You can laugh, get down and dirty, blow some steam off, ease some physical tensions, be as loud as you want.  The difference a mere hour can make is phenomenal.

Of course, it doesn't come without the pain ... and maybe an iota of regret.

My thighs and calves are already screaming. I'm sorta dreading tomorrow.

I love tap dancing.  Never again will I have a decade long hiatus without my first love.

;)

Flawed Design IV

It's that feeling of not being quite good enough, not being able to stack up to anyone's expectations, including your own.

It's hearing the disappointment in your dad's voice when he talks about the place in life you're currently in.  Trying to convince him the menial jobs you take on now are a necessary stepping stone to your ultimate goal is done in vain.  You have a Bachelor's degree, but at this point it's not worth much without the experience simply because your grades weren't good enough. You can't be considered a professional at this stage because you're lacking the qualifications needed.  You're taking a course to have all the pre-requisites for grad school lined up because you didn't do enough research the last time you applied. You're still in this city because everywhere you applied to go last year rejected you.

It's the loneliness that has crept up on you none too subtly.  You're alone because you weren't enough to keep him around. You need him more than he ever needed you because you let your emotions rule you.  You're too emotional and sentimental.  You're keeping yourself from sending that text or making that call because you want to see if he'll put the effort in to salvage the friendship at least.  Unfortunately, the outlook doesn't seem too promising.  You two have survived not speaking for years, but this time it's that much worse simply because more has happened between you.  Face the music, he doesn't want you or need you.  Even if they say they'll never leave, everyone always does eventually.

It's that hopelessness and helplessness. Everyone has seemingly given up on you.  You fall into the role of the listening ear so easily that they think you're fine. You blog so much about your problems, no one's going to open that can of worms because it'll be the same old, same old.  No one expects anything more than tears or anger or silence.

I just want something to work out for once ... and for it to stay. I'm tired of all the rejection and loss.

In My Heart It's Raining.

It's been one of those evenings where I've thought myself into a hole.  Surprise, surprise!

Although, I should say I haven't cried, so that's gotta count for something, right?

It started with watching a TV show he and I used to watch together, then I just kinda got stuck.  Fretting about driving on ice tomorrow morning for the first time this season, and reminiscing on all the snowball fights, early morning snuggles, coffee dates of winters past.  Thinking back to conversations about the aforementioned show - including making fun of the more ridiculous ideas presented, and making up our own possible business endeavours ... realizing that smile and laugh will never be directed at me again.

Not even my fresh manicure can shake this chill.

I haven't done one of these in ages ...

TEN ARE YOUS
1. Are you single - yep ...
2. Are you happy - eeeehhh could be better.
3. Are you bored - evidently.
5. Are you Italian - no.
6. Are you pregnant - no.
8. Are you nice - usually.
9. Are you Irish - no.
10. Are you Asian - yes.

TEN FACTS
1. Full Name - Adrienne Rose V********-B***** ;)
2. Nicknames - AD
3. Birth place - Calgary
4. Hair color - dark brown.
5. Natural hair style - wavy.
7. Birthday - November 21
8. Facebook Mood - not on FB for the moment, so none?
9. Favorite color - red.
10. One Place to Visit - but there's NOT just one! 

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love - I like to think so.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight - nope.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally - who hasn't?
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart - I guess so?
6. Have you ever had your heart broken - heh, yes.
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them - yeah.
8. Are you afraid of commitment - no.
9. Who was the last person you hugged - my baby niece.
10. Who was the last person you said I love you to - my brother.

TEN THIS OR THAT
1. Love or lust - love.
2. Hard liquor or beer - hard. beer's nasty - I'm beginning to sorta like beer, but not by much.
3. Cats or dogs - dogs.
4. A few best friends or many regular friends - few best friends.
5. Television or internet - internet. You can stream things!
7. Wild night out or romantic night in - romantic night in.
8. Money or Happiness - happiness.
9. Night or day - I guess it depends on what I'm doing.
10. IM or phone - phone.

TEN HAVE YOU EVERs
1. Been caught sneaking out - no.
3. Done something you regret - yeah.
4. Bungee jumped - no, but I'd like to
5. Lied to someone you like - yeah, and I'm not proud of it.
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker - ugh ... no.
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back - ha ... yes.
9. Cried because you lost a pet - nope.  I've never had a pet that I could lose.
10. Wanted to disappear - too many times than I care to admit.

TEN PREFERENCES IN A PARTNER
1. Smile or eyes - how do you pick just one? Although, a smile isn't a smile unless it hits the eyes.
2. Light or dark hair - dark? I think I've gotten over my light-haired fixation.
3. Hugs or kisses - hugs.  I love kisses, but hugs are wonderful.
4. Shorter or taller - taller, definitely.
5. Intelligence or attraction - intelligence is attractive (so long as they're not cocky about it?)
6. Romantic or spontaneous - romance IS spontaneous.
7. Funny or serious - a balance of both, but they definitely cannot be too serious.
8. Older or Younger - I'm assuming this means in years - months-wise I really don't care.  If I really had to choose, older I guess?
9. Outgoing or quiet - outgoing but quiet when he needs to be.
10. Sweet or Bad Ass - sweet, with some bad ass moments?

TEN HAVE YOUS
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd - yup.
2. Ever done drugs - other than pain killers, no. I'm straight-edge ;)
3. Ever been pregnant - no.
4. Ever kissed the same gender - yes.
5. Ever been on a cheerleading team - technically ... yes.
6. Ever Been on a dance team - yes!
7. Ever been on a sports team - dance is a sport so yes!
8. Ever been in a drama play/production - yes.
9. Ever owned a BMW, Mercedes Benz, Escalade, Hummer or Bentley?- not yet.
10. Ever been in a rap video? - no.

TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call - umm ... my mom?
2. Last person you kissed - I kissed my brother on the forehead ...
3. Last person you hung out with - oh man, this makes me feel like such a loner - the last time I saw any of my friends was on the 5th (16 days ago!)
4. Last time you worked - Friday. Back to the grind tomorrow!
5. Last person you tackled - one of my nieces or nephews ... oh wait, I thought it said 'tickled', therefore, it was my brother.
6. Last person you IM'd - Raf, I think? I needed some help studying for my chem midterm.
7. Last person you texted - Irene.
8. Last person(s) you went to the movies with - Caitlin! But that was way back in freaking August. How sad.
9. Last person/thing you missed - ha! Does this really need an answer? I think EVERYONE knows.
10. Last person you slept with - in what way? ;)

Truth.

"People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them.  People want the dream -- what they can't have.  The more unattainable, the more attractive." - Xander

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 2x02 "Some Assembly Required"

(Sorry for the lack of any substantial entries today ... I've been looking through an old blog of mine and re-blogging the applicable quotes onto here. Will definitely have an actual entry tomorrow!)

Quotable VII.

“I wanted everything to stay the same, but you wanted things to be better, it's just...going to be a whole lot worse for awhile first. And I think I knew that, and I was scared of it." - Marcus

- Dan Wells, Partials

If there's one spark of hope left in my grasp ...

is it worth the risk of burning to have a second chance?

I Just Want to Throw My Phone Away.

I'm so sick of being fine one week and not the next.  I'm sick of getting so angry at every little thing. I'm sick of this house, living with my parents, this city ... being utterly alone.

I think being alone somewhere else would be better than being alone in familiar territory. At least I could explore to distract myself. I technically could explore this city, but it holds too many reminders and makes me feel more lonely. 

If I could wipe my memory clean I would and start over. I don't think anyone realizes just how much I mean that. I want a new name, a new life. I'm sick of being sad and angry. I want to forget about the stupid boy who broke my heart. (I mean preferably, I'd like to be loved again, but that's not happening  ... ever.) I'm sick of waiting for that text that I'm pretty sure will never come.

I'm so sick of checking my phone at the end of everyday and not having any missed calls or texts waiting for a response ... from anyone. It's kind of like "Friends? What are those?" Even if I text first, it's not like I get a reply back most of the time anyway. Besides, they're all busy with school - who has time for a nuisance like me? My ex (I hate calling him that ...) used to tell me I asked too much of him for always texting or calling when I knew he was busy. I'd rather not be a pest to my friends too. What's the point of having a phone anymore?

Bittersweet Memories.

Looking back on memory lane is like reading the story of someone else's life, another couple's romance.

It's super strange to have to explain, but instead of feeling sadness of it being over, I'm feeling happy - almost elated (not that it's over, but because I experienced it).  With the state I've been in over the past week or so, I'm sure most people would say that reading over old conversations or exchanged letters is a terrible idea.  I must admit, that a few months ago, even a few weeks ago, I would agree.  Something's changed in me, though.  I can't really explain it, but looking back at those written exchanges elicited a different range of emotions today.  I'm still disappointed that it's over, but I have a new found appreciation for all the good times; I've been reminded of happier times and it's made me smile which is more than what I could have hoped for during this phase of my life.  I'm happy because it happened.

I'm happy because I know what it was like to be in love and to be loved in return and this gives me hope for the future.  I'll feel that way again.  I don't know when and I don't know who, but at least I know for now that I'll find love again - or maybe it'll find me.  In any case, this is the most genuinely happy that I've felt in months.

I don't know what it is, but hopefully this acceptance and contentment stick around.

(Short and sweet today.)

Revisited: All at Once.

I first posted this song two years ago and it had a completely different meaning for me then than it does now.  In all honesty, finding this song again has given me some peace of mind.  I know, I know, in a few days or weeks I'll probably be writing another super sad/moody/angry entry again, but for now, this song is a comfort.  It sums up how the past two years went, and how now is going.

Call me naive, call me out for believing too much, but I firmly adhere to "If it's meant to happen, it will happen." Yes, we have to work for something - to achieve it, to maintain it - but if it's really and truly meant to work out, it's beyond our control. So who knows - maybe I'll meet someone else.  Or maybe he'll come back to me.  We found our way back to each other once, it may happen again.  That's really what's given me peace of mind.  I can't change his mind or how he feels about me right now (because right now, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the people on earth he really doesn't like too much), but who knows, in a few years, maybe we will? On the flip side, maybe we'll just find completely different people and go our own separate ways.  It's entirely out of my control now, and in some strange way, that's comforting.

Anyway ... sorry if my rambling doesn't make much sense.  My mind is swimming from my sick-with-a-cold brain and the fact that I have a midterm tomorrow which I've been cramming for all evening.

Til the next,
- Adrienne.
  

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing 

and the right thing are the same
Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another

It's Harder Everyday.

I'm a mess to end all messes tonight.

I'm not sure if I'm more angry or sad, either way I'm unhappy.  This emotional rollercoaster has me going in every direction. I honestly don't even know which way is up.

All I know is that I can't deal with this anymore.  I feel like the only way I could go on and be happy again would be some memory procedure to wipe everything about him from my mind ... Or if he was to come back.  Unfortunately, both of those options are entirely impossible, so I'm stuck.

All my friends tell me I'm tough and strong for being able to go out with the group, including him, and show barely any emotion about it.  The truth is, it kills me every single time I do see him. I die not being able to talk to him unless he speaks first simply because that's what he wants.  We're not even together anymore and I'm still going by what he wants ...

It's really friggen ironic that I can't get over the guy when in high school I kept complaining about how he couldn't get over me.

I guess one of the things that hurts the most is the fact that he liked me for so long and now he couldn't give one shit about me. It's as if he wishes I never even existed.

Him falling out of love with me hurts worse than I ever could have imagined.  I don't even think I would wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.  I tried so hard to get him to even like me again towards the end of our relationship because at that time I felt like he didn't even like me as a person, let alone love me. I tried so damn hard, but in the end it wasn't what he wanted.  I wasn't what he wanted. He looked for every excuse as to why we weren't working. He just didn't want me at all.

Maybe it's karma. Maybe he was always meant to break my heart for all the times in high school I turned him down.

In any case, I'm not as strong as everyone thinks.  I'm a right mess.  I'm not okay with this.

You'll Never Find A Heart Like Mine Anywhere.

It's not alright, you took what's mine
I want it back as fast 

as you packed up and left my life
It's not okay treating me this way
I'd rather let you break my heart 

and live with your mistakes
'Cause you'll never find another heart like mine to break

Short and Bittersweet.

I'm definitely some kind of masochist.

That is all.

You're the Splinter in Me.

Angry post is angry.

I'm pissed at that guy for being unable to act civilly towards me after he's had a few drinks.  I say two words in conversation and he acts like I've demanded for the world.  Pissed at the fact that he's a total hypocrite.  Pissed at the fact my coat smells like freaking Red Bull because drunky toppled his can of it.  Pissed because right now all I want is my friend back, but he can't seem to realize that I act how I act because that's the way I am and not because I'm still his annoying girlfriend.  My personality hasn't changed, you're just being a jerk and underestimating my ability to put my feelings aside and make an attempt at repairing a friendship.  Pissed that he still affects me like he does.

I'm mad at my dad for being so unbelievably overbearing and restrictive.  It's rare that I go out at night and stay out past midnight (I'm such an old lady at 21 ... not to mention all my friends being in town together only happens once or twice a year) so when he calls me when I'm already on the way home telling me I've pushed my limits too far and he was being generous when I had to stay out late to volunteer the week prior I find it incredibly ridiculous.  I'm nearly 22, I have a university degree because I studied hard and never gave up on it, I work hard at my job and excel in it, I'm in the process of applying to grad schools, I'm respectful, I never drink to get drunk (anymore), what more do you want?!

I'm angry at all the people who still act awkwardly around me months or years after we've had an issue.  I'm not the most talkative person, preferring to listen most of the time, but I cannot stand when people give me the silent treatment or barely respond to my attempts at conversation.  I've extended my olive branch, the least you could do is accept it.  I know I'm not the easiest person to talk to, but when I'm actually trying to speak with you, that's a big deal.  So grow the fuck up.

Frustrated that life is still kicking me down.  Give me a fucking break.  It's been six months of misery because of heartbreak, rejection, unexpected obstacles, and loss.  I'm trying so hard to keep my head above water so quit it with the stupid storms or whatever fucking sea monsters that are pulling me back down.

Most of all I'm furious with myself for still caring about that douchey fucker who couldn't give a shit about me.

(Not my most eloquent, but I'm so done with this shit.)

Two Truths, One Lie

a) I'm not as strong as people think or say I am. I often stay unaffected during events, but go home and let all the emotions wash over me. 

b) I love my friends for their support, but I'm finding I just can't deal with this situation anymore. 

c) One of the above statements is definitely a lie.

Letters from the Heart.

Dear You,

You've heard this from me before, but I don't think it stuck.  This is probably the one thing that really stands out for me - the one take away from our relationship that resonates with me every single day.

They say good relationships are all about having good timing with the right person.

Unfortunately I think we had a good relationship, but we were cursed with bad timing.  You and I are at such different stages at our lives that it was inevitable that we would drift.  I was focused on applying to grad school and actually graduating.  You were still trying to figure out what you wanted to do exactly and get through the year.  I had already made some university friends in my first two years.  You hadn't made very many friends in those years because of your last girlfriend and so wanted to build some.  I wanted to spend more time with you in case I did end up going away for grad school in the fall.  You wanted to spend more time with our friends who were probably also leaving for school in the fall. 

Maybe in some ways the fact I was supposedly moving onto the next stage of my life intimidated you.  You were always worried about never being good enough to do the things you wanted to do.  You always sought approval from others for what you were doing.  You still had so many uncertainties to deal with.  I already had my plan and I think I may have held it against you that you didn't have one.  On the flip side, I think you also held it against me that I did have one.

Unfortunately my plan didn't go ahead as I had hoped.  It was clear that I was losing you and then I actually did lose you.  During this time I started receiving rejection letters from schools and about a week after you left I received the last rejection letter.  A few months after that I found out that I had lost my job.  Life just kept kicking me while I was down and you were seemingly fine and moving on without me.  I couldn't help but think that if you hadn't been so focused on that fact that we thought I'd be leaving for school we could've had so much more time.  You wouldn't have been so ... and when I got all my rejection letters, you still would have been there for me.  Getting those rejection letters and not having you to tell me it would be alright and not having you to hold me during my break downs hurt ten times more.  The rejection was so much more unbearable.  I threw myself into work because there was no more you to distract me and hold my hand.  When the school year ended and so did work, I had nothing.  That was why I cried so much more 3 months after we had broken up than I had in the first two weeks after the fact.

We started talking again about two months ago.  We made plans to see each other, but our schedules just didn't work out ... you said maybe it was fate's way of telling us we weren't meant to even see each other yet.  I just got upset ... timing was never on our side.  Our relationship was the product of awful timing and fate playing games.

While both of our strong personalities - especially our stubbornness and the fact we took each other for granted - are definitely to blame in our fall-out, I really think timing was terrible for us.  Even to this day, our timing is still off.  Who knows, maybe our timing will eventually become synchronized again, but for now I'm accepting that it's just not supposed to work out.  It doesn't make it hurt any less, but I'm trying - if only because you yourself keep telling me to move on.

- Me.

When I Look at You All I See Are Lies.

Adrienne! I won't ever neglect you or become uncommitted or lie to you about our relationship. Since I was given this chance to be with you, I will never take it for granted. To make sure that these are not empty words and promises, I have to show you. I'll just need you and your time...

Liar.

You Changed Your Mind.

I gotta go
Time to spread my wings and fly
Higher than the blue sky
Never did me any good
Waiting around
Only so much that my heart can take
It doesn’t matter what you say
Wishing for all we could-have-been

Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you

I gotta stay
As far away as I can get
Cuz a part of me hasn’t left
If I get too close you're gonna pull me back in to
Thinking everything you said was true
But the ring around my finger proved
That I was your girl
But in the end it wasn’t what you wanted
Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you
Yeah I was gonna marry you

Take all the words you’ve spoken
And the promises you’ve broken
And throw them all into the ocean
Just to let it be
And late at night
When you're lying in your bed alone
Wishing you were still at home
But we both know its too late

Just so you know just so you know
I never thought to let you go
I don’t even know the truth
Just so you know just so you know
I never thought you'd let me go
I don’t even know the truth
Yeah we were fine, yeah we were fine
Then all at once you changed your mind
And I was gonna marry you
I was gonna marry you.